3 STEPS TO YES

3 STEPS TO YES- THE GENTLE ART OF GETTING YOUR WAY

The people in your life won't do what you want just because you happen to be right.They need to be persuaded.And

if you're right,if it's in everyone's best interest that you get your way,it's not just your job to persuade them,it's your

responsibility.Sometimes even your moral responsibility.

It's your job to persuade your prospects to make the decision.You owe it to your friends or relatives to persuade them

to make good decisions.

But you also have a responsibility to yourself to be persuasive,because there's little that can affect your life as profo-

undly as your ability to sell yourself,your ideas, and your services.It's the difference between having good ideas and

having others put your good ideas into action.

Persuasion is the difference between having potential and achieving your potential

Selling your ideas means communicating so effectively that people accept your ideas as valid and valuable,and act on

them.

Imagine the personal power of people who have mastered those skills.Imagine the difference it could make it you per-

sonally if you could consistently persuade people to do what you want them to do,and believe what you want them

to believe about you,just through the power of effective communication.

People react not only to the ideas they're being asked to accept,but also to the persuasive force placed on them.

People will do what you ask only if they believe they'll fulfill their own personal needs by doing so.

Personal Needs

Physiological needs,e.g., food ,air, water , sex

A "short list" is a list of alternatives you'll consider,a list from which you'll make a single selection.Personal needs

infuence wRisk reduction, security ,and predictability-the need to prevent or protect against any negative change in the status quo.

To have and rear children so they will prosper and have children of their own.

Love and companionship.

Enjoyment, fun , and intellectual satisfaction.

To win

Consistency (i.e. , the need for people to act and think consistently )

Recognition,status, prestige

Wealth

Acceptance and approval

To acheive or be the best

To show gratitude

To help others

To reduce guilt

There 's one important rule for dealing with people you suspect have a high need for security and predictability.No

matter how exciting new,original ,or creative you personally believe your proposal is, always remember that these

can be exactly the characteristics people translate to mean risk and unpredictability.Emphasize your proposal's

attributes that meet personal needs,not those characteristics that emphasize change and unpredictability.

If the person you're persuading feels that he won't get the approval of the people whose acceptance he cares about

you must reevaluate your persuasion strategy.

People will let you get your way only if they believe doing so will fulfill their personal needs.

Everyone you try to persuade is faced with both situational and personal needs.

While sometimes both situational and personal needs are best met by the same choice,when they're not,personal

needs prevail and people will find creative ways to rationalize their decisions.

Discipline yourself to think and talk more about people's personal needs and less about their situational needs.

How do I find out what's driving people's decisions if they won't admit what they need, maybe not even to them-

selves?Ask and listen.

If only selling and persuasion were as simple as demonstrating you can fulfill people's personal needs.But,as we've

warned,sometimes people don't buy,even when they think their personal will be met.

The problem is that when you ask Prospects to buy,you cause emotional stress by putting them between the desire

to fulfill their personal needs and five buying anxieties.Present to some degree in all decisions,these are

Reluctance to give up options

Fear of making a mistake

Social pressures

Fear of losing

Perceived cost

People value the freedom to choose.Unfortunately,if agreeing with you forces someone to give up other options,

this works against you.Research shows that whenever people think their freedom to choose is limited or threat-

ened,they want what they can't have more than they did before they lost the option to have it.

Marriage is a classic example of the effects of loss of options.The closer the happy couple comes to the wedding

date,the more likely it becomes that either the bride or the groom or both of them are worrying about the imend-

ing loss of the single lifestyle,and the more they start to question their decision.

The only reason many weddings take place is that the matchbooks have been printed, the hall rented,and the

invitations mailed.The loss-of -options anxiety is shouting in the brain of bride or groom to call the whole thing off

before it's too late, but the emotional and financial costs of canceling the wedding-which seem so much more

onerous tha actually going ahead-keep things on track.

Fear of Making a Mistake

If life were perfect and buyers never made mistakes or had bad buying experiences,there wouldn't be a fear of

buying.Buyers could decide which alternative was most likely to meet their needs,and could easily make decisions.

Many times people don't buy simply because they're afraid they'll make a mistake.

This fear of buying can be caused by a lack of trust in the person doing the persuading,past bad experiences with

similar decisions,uncertainty about whether buying will fulfill a real personal need, or other factors.But whatever

the reason,as your Prospect gets closer to deciding,he also gets closer to the chance of making a mistake.If he's

seriously worried that agreeeing with you might be the wrong thing to do, he'll back away just when it seems that

a decision is imminent.You're left wondering why it's so difficult to get your Prospect to decide, even when the right

decision seems so obvious.

Although people buy to fulfill their personal needs,they always make their buying decisions with an eye on other's

opinions and reactions.So ,while you must fulfill your prospect's personal needs, don't forget that she must fulfill

justify her decision to others.

This buying anxiety builds as your Prospect comes closer to making a decision and has to explain it to others.If

your Prospects can't come up with reasonable rationalizations,they back away from buying even though they want

to buy.And again, you're left wondering why your Prospect doesn't make a decision that seems so logical to you.

So you must not only show Prospects that their personal needs will be fulfilled,but you must also give them the

buying rationizations they need to get others to approve of their decisions.

Fear of Losing

The fear of losing is the flip side side of the need to win.Because evolution doesn't favor losers,the fear of losing

is so programmed into our DNA that we do all sorts of things, both rational and irrational, to avoid losing.We don't

let people cut into line, we compete in meaningless games and sports as if our lives were at stake, and we will never buy from or agree with someone who makes us feel as if he's about to win and we're about to lose.

For everyone ,life is a continual exercise in allocating limited resources.How much money, time,energy ,personal

risk,and emotion are we willing to expend in one activity instead of others,how much money to own one thing instead of something else,how much energy in one relationship instead of others?This running cost-benefit analysis

that people go through trying to make the most of what they've got causes anxiety and stress.And when you ask

to get your way,you almost always add to people's anxiety and stress,because whatever you're asking for almost

always forces people to reallocate their money,time,energy, or support.

Whatever your Prospect considers to be the cost of agreeing with you, the cost anxiety increases as he comes closer to making a decisions.So,again,the negative force working against you gets stronger just as you're getting

close to getting your way.

When costs are not the real issue, when they are just a lighting rod for one of the other four buying anxieties,it's

essential to deal with the real buying anxieties your proposal is causing,not with the cost your Prospect is compl-

aining about.

The lineup is complete, and it's five to one against.

Why People don't buy?

Reluctance to give up options

Fear of making a mistake

Social Pressures

Fear of losing

High perceived costs

Why People Buy?

They believe that buying will fulfill their personal needs.

Your job is to reduce the conflict between the positive and negative buying forces and ,in the end, to make the

positive forces greater in your Prospect's mind than the negative ones.

Be prepared to deal with people's five buying anxieties as they get closer to making a decision.

"But what about the options I'm giving up?"

"Am I making a mistake by agreeing with you?"

"How will I explain my decision to others?"

"Am I going to come out of this a loser?"

"Is this going to costs too much?"

The Buying Model

Although it doesn't always seem like it,buying is a remarkably rational process.Whenever people buy something

,or you persuade people to do something, they go through the following five phases:

1. Awareness.Before people will even think about what your're selling,they must first believe they have

unfulfilled needs, either personal or situational.More than that ,they must believe there's some practical way to

fulfill those needs with what you're selling.

2. Creating a short list.How do you deal with all the options that are open to you without going into systems

overload?Very simply ,you probably ignore entirely most of the options and concentrate on only a select few.At

least that's what most people do.

Once people are aware that they have needs they can realistically fulfill,they create a "short list" of alternatives

they're willing to consider.

hich options make the short list, but for the most part, situational needs prevail at this point.

The most common reason people create a short list is to reduce to a manageable number the alternatives they

have to research and consider.But people also create a short list to help them justify a decision they're predisposed

to make.

The idea of a short list is important ,because it's tough to persuade people to listen to options they haven't mentally

included on their list.

3. Evaluating alternatives against situational needs.Once people are aware of needs and have a short list

of alternatives they're willing to consider,the next step is evaluating the options on their list against their situational needs.

You do the same thing when you buy a new car.You begin with a list of makes and models you'll consider, and you

evaluate those options against your situational needs.

You do the same thing when you buy a new car. You begin with a list of makes and models you'll consider ,and you

evaluate those options against your situational needs.

4. Evaluating alternatives against personal needs.As soon as people understand how the different alternatives

meet their situational needs, their attention turns to personal needs.This is where decision-making get serious.

If you're not in sync at this point,you're not going to get your way.

5. Resolving buying anxieties.As soon as people mentally make a buying decision, they're faced with all

the buying anxieties the decision brings to the surface.Are they making a mistake? Are they going to come out of the

transaction a loser? What will people think?Do they really want to give up other options?Can they afford it? Although

it may not be apparent to you, by this point in the buying process,situational needs begin to have a little influence

on people's decision.They come into play again if your Prospect can't come to terms with her buying anxieties or

can't figure out how to rationalize the alternative the best meets her personal needs.

Stay in sync with people's natural buying process.Talk about what they're prepared to listen to.

Shifting your attention from what you're selling to your Prospect's personal needs and buying

anxieties entirely changes the way you go about getting your way in everyday life.But event-

ually you have to persuade people that what you're selling meets their personal needs better

than other options available to them.You must get them to believe you or they won't be able to resolve their buy-

ing anxieties.

Knowing why and how people buy, what they're thinking ,and what motivates and worries them takes you a long

way toward getting your way in everyday life and improving your relationships ,but it's not enough.You still have

to be persuasive.

You must be credible - believable -t o be persuasive.This only stands to reason, for,after all, people will never do

what you ask if they can't believe what you say. But what is it that makes us credible,and how do we become

credible without a complete personal makeover?

Although we'll look at how twelve different personal characteristics affect your persuasiveness,we're going to pay

special attention to the big three that most affect your credibility: your perceived competence,your trustworthiness

and the extent to which you seem to put other people's interests at least equal to your own.

As it turns out, there's a big diffenence between what influences people's beliefs and decisions on issues they

consider important and on issues they feel aren't.

On issues people feel are important,they may initially be influenced by your personal characteristics, but will

ultimately form their beliefs and make their decisions based on the strength of your arguments and supporting

evidence.They'll factor in your personal characteristics only if they're relevant to the central issue.

Despite the different weights people give your personal characteristics in different circumstances,there is a magic

formula for persuasion.Very simply: Be competent,be trustworthy,and put other's interest first.

If people believe you're competent, you're more likely to persuade them in both important and unimportant matters.

Perceived competence is the listener's belief that you know what you're taking about.When you're persuading

people,they listen to what you say about how your proposal will fulfill their needs.,how much it will cost,why it's

better than others,and why they won't be making a mistake to accept it.They can't have a confidence in what you

say if they don't believe you know your stuff.So the more competent you appear to them,the more persuasive

you'll be.It only makes sense.

There are three ways to deal with low perceived competence; become competent,change people's perception of

your competence,or team up with someone who is competent.Not all three work in a every situation,and not all

three are always easy to pull off.But the one absolute is that you'll never be persuasive if people think you're not

competent, so you're got to do something.

If people expect you to be competent,but you don't really know what you're talking about,sort of making it up as

you go along and faking your way through,the chances are that you're not fooling anyone.Sooner or later,and

usually it's way sooner then you think, people catch on and your persuasiveness sinks to zero.

The good news is that if you really can become competent ,you almost automatically become more persuasive.So

stop being lazy; get competent.

If the issue is your lack of knowledge,read books,take courses,study,and ask questions-learn.But ,whatever you

do,don't pretend to know more than you do, which is an unfortunate disease people who become partially compe-

tent are susceptible to .It doesn't matter that you may know more than the people your're talking to.As soon as

you start to fake it, people catch on that you're talking through your hat and you'll labeled as both incompetent

and,even worse,untrustworthy.It can be a label you'll never remove.

So even if people expect you to be an expert and you're working hard at being cometent,admit when you don't know something.Peole expect you to be competent,not omniscient.If you really are competent,people will give you

some slack,time to look things up,consult with others,or otherwise come up with answers.But if you fake it and

you're caught,the deal's off.They may never again believe anything you say, even if you really are competent.

Of course, it's possible that you're competent but people don't know it.While this certainly happens,it doesn't

happen as often as people think. More frequently,people who are percevied as incompetent are in fact incompetent

We live in a time when it's not only impossible to be competent in everything,it's not even possible to be competent

in everything people expect us to be competent in.

To be persuasive, it's not enough to be competent.People must perceive that you're competent in precisely the

issues you're putting before them.And the hard fact is ,sometimes that's just not possible.You may be smart ,successful,and the world's leading recognized authority in what ever you do, but you just can't be competent at

everything.

Fortunately,you don't have to be.You can still be persuasive in everyday life by teaming up with someone who is

competent.

Even when you can delegate competence,it's still up to you to manage perceptions.You can't let your technical

expert run your meetings.When you delegate competence,you're saying that your team is competent and that your

prospect should be persuaded not necessarily by the individual to whom you're delegated competence,but by your

team.As the team leader, that still leaves you with the responsibility to lead and manage conversations,and to be

persuasive.

If competence has a peer in persuasion, it's trustworthiness.Trustworthiness and competence together are by far

the most important personal characteristics affecting persuasiveness.Unlike competence,which you may be able

to assign to your team's designated expert, you can't delegate trustworthiness.

Be scrupulously and consistently honest in all your dealings.Consistency is critical,because people view trust-

worthiness as a defining character trait and not, like the way you dress,as something you can change to suit the

circumstances.What this means is that most people see you as either trustworthy or not.If you want people to

believe you'll be honest with them,they must see that you're honest in your dealings with everyone.

Be fair.People associate fairness with trustworthiness.When you're unfair to someone financially,in your treatment

of him,or in what you say about or to him,it's as if you stole something from him.Consequently,people who see you

as unfair are less likely to see you as trustworthy.

To be perceived as trustworthy,you must be trustworthy.Be scrupulously honest,fair and positive and the perceptions will take care of themselves without your having to think much more about it.

You must align your personal needs with your prospects' personal needs,and make your prospects understand

that you can fulfill your needs only if you fulfill theirs first.In other words,you win only if your prospects win.If you

do this,your prospect won't hold it against you that you also have something to gain.On the contrary,that you both

have something to gain will make you more persuasive.Persuasiveness research shows that ,all other things being

equal,people are more likely to agree with you if you share common goals.

Competence ,trustworthiness, and putting other people's interests first moves you a long way toward getting your

way in everyday life. But there's still some fine-tuning you can do, people begin to form their opinions and beliefs

about you.Then, if those initial beliefs are strongly positive or negative,these people you've just met,who really

know nothing about you after just four minutes can be so set that you'll have a tough time changing their minds.

Research confirms that,unfair as it may be, attractive people are more persuasive than unattractive people.While

there's a God -given natural limit to how handsome or beautiful someone can be, everyone is attractive enough

to manage his or her overall appearance to fall into at least the middle range.All it takes is careful grooming,dress

and style to make yourself as attractive as you can be.

Dress in a way that doesn't create inconsistencies between your message and your appearnace.In business and

professional settings,dress about as casually or as formally as your prospects dress.Of course,your dress must

be consistent with the message you're delivering, but too big difference in the way you dress compared with the

people around you draws attention to clothes and causes everyone to be uncomfortable.

Over half the information people use to form their opinions of you comes not from what you say, but from body

language your posture,facial expressions,gestures,eye contact, how close you stand to people,and the way you sit,

stand ,and walk.Act naturally ,go with the flow, and if you're competent and trustworthy and put other people's

interests first,you'll do just fine.

CHOICE